The Heart of Gifting: Balancing Values, Fairness, and Emotions

December 17, 2024

The document highlights the emotional complexities of holiday gifting and how financial planners can help clients balance generosity with financial security and personal values.

The article, written by our founder and senior advisor, Teri R. Alexander, CFP®, MSFP, CeFT®, AIF®, offers guidance on how financial planners can help clients align their generosity with their personal values.

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This is the time of year when many people reflect on their blessings and feel a desire to give to others. Whether it’s to family members, charitable causes, or simply helping ease the burden of someone going through a tough time, gifting often takes center stage during the holiday season. As financial planners, we find ourselves having more conversations with clients about this topic at this time of year. A common question arises: How much can be given safely without jeopardizing one’s financial security? While financial security may not truly be at risk, the concern often weighs heavily on their minds.

In most cases, these concerns have already been addressed in previous planning sessions. Many clients have expressed their desire to live their values and be charitable. However, the act of giving—especially when it involves relationships—can sometimes lead to complex emotional challenges.

The Complexity of Fairness

Often, the challenge is not about financial security but fairness in giving, particularly when managing multiple family relationships. Clients may wrestle with questions like: Do I give equally or unequally based on need? How do I avoid playing favorites? How can I be fair to everyone without causing resentment?

Even if equal dollar amounts are given to each recipient, the impact of the gift can vary widely. For those in greater need, the same amount of money can mean much more than it does for those who are financially stable. This imbalance may lead clients to wonder: Should I give more to some and less to others? These are tough questions that stem from a simple desire to be generous. Every client’s situation is unique, and our role as financial planners is to guide them toward a decision that feels right and brings peace of mind. Creating a safe space for these deeper, sometimes vulnerable conversations is a critical part of what we do.

Gifting and Life Transitions

For clients who have experienced significant life changes, the act of giving can take on even greater emotional weight. Those who have received help during tough times often feel a profound desire to pay it forward. Rarely does a person emerge unchanged after navigating a major transition.

Susan Bradley’s quote captures this beautifully: “When money changes, life changes, and when life changes money changes.” These moments of transformation often lead to deeper self-reflection. Many clients develop a stronger connection between their core values and their financial resources. This shift can bring a new perspective on how they live their lives and how they want to give back to others.

Managing the Emotional Side of Gifting

During the season of giving, the act of gifting might be straightforward for some, but for others, it is laden with emotions and concerns. There are no universal right or wrong answers when it comes to gifting. However, clear communication can help manage expectations and avoid misunderstandings. Being honest about what is feasible and setting boundaries can go a long way in ensuring that the act of giving remains a positive experience for everyone involved.

Ultimately, the goal is to help clients align their generosity with their values while maintaining harmony in their relationships and financial well-being. The act of gifting, while emotional, can also be deeply rewarding when approached thoughtfully.

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AUTHOR:
Teri R. Alexander, CFP®, MSFP, CeFT®, AIF®
Founder & Senior Advisor – Alexander Financial Planning, Inc.

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